Silver Myths Smashed, Pt. 3: The Silliest Question You Could Possibly Ask about Silver
So Many Myths, So Little Time
Do ya wanna know the hardest part of about writing a “Silver myth-Smashing series”? It certainly hasn’t been figuring out how to dispense with the lies, that’s for sure! Silver lies are all brittle eggshells, just begging to be stomped on!
No, the most difficult part is actually choosing which lie to crack open next! There are just so many of these chuckle-inducing myths, that it feels like being a little kid in a toy store. Do I take home the train set or the Batcave?
No no, wait! This! A thousand times this!
Great job, kiddo! You’ll be carving up all those silver lies, like delicious Thanksgiving turkeys, in no time!
Valuable life lesson: it doesn’t matter what the problem was, as the light saber is usually the solution(rock on, little shield brother!).
Just like the Truth, come to think of it! No matter what the problem is, truth stands ever-ready to bridge the gap.
The evil in our world can plot and scheme all they like. Most of the time, there’s not much you can do about it. They’re just gonna do what they do, and that’s how it is.
But, most folks forget the other part of the equation: that those men cannot keep all of you from doing your thing! That’s a fact.
They can’t stop you from spreading truths like hundreds of contagious brush-fires.
They can’t stop you from peeling back all their lies, which took them so many years to construct.
They can’t stop you from thinking for yourself, or for distrusting everything that proceeds from their political and media mouth-pieces.
Most importantly, though, they can’t stop you from buying real, honest-to-goodness, silver!
Don’t concentrate on their power, concentrate on yours. You may think you’re powerless, but you’re the furthest thing from powerless that you can imagine.
Again, turn their crimes against them, and make gravity your ally. Use your great resolve to stick to your guns. If that little devil on your shoulder appears to you, and asks if you’re really making the right decision, just send the little guy on a mission to renew your driver’s license at the DMV. That oughta keep him busy for awhile!
Another Silver Myth
Silver warriors, ya know that mechanism deep inside of you, that all-important filter, if you will, which keeps your most private thoughts…..private? That marvelous fishnet which scoops up the worst musings within all of us, and provides us the great security of capturing and killing those thoughts before they can ever, ever escape from our mouths into wide, open spaces?
Ahh, it’s wonderful isn’t it?
The very thing which keeps us all from going up to a strange woman, and asking:
“Excuse me, but I was just curious, how much do you weigh?”
Or: “Why would you do that to your hair?”
Or: “What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?”
Seriously, dude, it’s probably being questioned by you.
Yes, we all know those questions are a bad idea, and yet so many people still ask those same types of questions about silver.
Don’t believe me? I’m about to prove it to you with a question so terrible, it’s scarcely to be believed.
In fact, it is so cringe-worthy, that I almost hesitate to type it out…
But. I. Must.
Ok, silver trolls, you owe me big time. This public service announcement goes out to all those ‘special’ people who sadly turned that inner filter off, a long time ago.
Alright, focus Watchman. You can do this! Whew….
“Man, with the Dow starting to trade like a penny stock, and Europe’s economies being sucked into a black hole, I’m simply gonna increase my silver-buying here at sub $18 prices!”
“Watchman, sometimes I just don’t get you at all. What’s with all the silver-buying? I mean, what good is silver…”
“If you can’t eat it?”
I mean, wha…
I don’t even….
How do they…
The Watchman isn’t often rendered speechless, but a question like this, will do it nearly every time. I can’t believe any silver stacker has even had to address something so…infantile. Yet we have! In fact, inexplicably, some of us have had to deal with this grey-cell-numbing question numerous times.
I’ve finally had enough of it! As hard as it is, this one must be put to sleep, so let’s help that puppy get through his “Swamp of Sadness”, and just get this over with.
Applying the Same Logic
Now, sidestepping the technicality, that you actually can safely ingest silver, let’s dissect the advisability of the line of thinking in itself.
Do you remember when you bought your first car? Do you remember how excited you were? How alive you felt? Yes, it was one of those moments that made life so electric, wasn’t it? It’s that very type of moment we live for.
But let me ask you a question, did you remember sitting there staring at that contract, with that pen in your hot little hand, and stopping to look up at the car salesman, venturing:
Now, I’m pretty sold and all, but before I sign on the dotted line for this Malibu, sir, I just gotta know one more thing.
What’s that, son?
Can I eat it?
I….I’m sorry, what?
Yeah, ya know, I mean, this is a pretty sweet ride and all, but the deal-breaker for me, is whether or not the manufacturer included plenty of edible, plant-based, non-toxic materials. After all, I’m gonna get the road munchies, it’s inevitable, and I’ll need something to snack on. Ya know?
Now I’m sure all you shield brothers out there remember asking that, right? Riiiight?!
Nope, of course you didn’t. Why? Because your synapses are actually all firing, that’s why.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen that question. It makes me wonder: what else do those folks ask “the eating question” about?
Do they ask it about their stocks?
Do they ask it about their homes?
Do they ask it about their spouse?
Do they ask it about their kids?
Do they ask it about works of art?
How about the cash in their wallets?
Do they ask it about their cell phones?
Do they ask it about their CD’s, munis, or treasury bonds?
What about their pets?
Perhaps they ask it about their iPads and desktops?
Does that question spring forth about the clothes they’re wearing?
Do they ask it about their flower gardens?
How about their bird feeders?
Do they ask it about their jobs?
Their pension plans?
Their insurance policies?
Their religious beliefs?
Their estate documents?
The hair on their heads?
I just don’t know. I hope not, but anyone who engages in a line of questioning like that, I have to wonder about.
The truth is that those people who usually ask it, do so because they have the wrong idea about silver’s use in mind. They see silver, for some reason, as some all-in-one, “Doomsday escape pod”.
Look, I don’t know what you guys think it is, but silver isn’t an escape pod. Silver is not a shape-shifting skeleton key. Silver’s not a shiny 3D-printer. Silver is certainly not part of a 4 course meal at a 5-star restaurant.
Silver is money.
I no longer answer those people who ask me that question in person. There’s no need to answer the “but, can you eat it?” question anymore than one would need to answer this:
Seriously. The question is absurd, and doesn’t deserve the mental energy necessary to answer it.
Oh, my laugh’tastic silver trolls, I know that somewhere in the deepest recesses of your mind, you somehow think that asking this question will showcase your superior intelligence. However, I’m gonna do you a solid, here. On the next occasion you feel the overpowering urge to pop this question:
Don’t do it, brah! Be strong! Resist!
I know it won’t be easy, but you must reject the allure of asking it! Failing to do so, will effectively make you “that guy” in the conversation, that everyone just pretends not to hear. Ya know?
Asking if silver is edible, is one of the most poorly conceived questions in the history of questions.
Asking if silver(which has many thousands of available uses) is edible, renders such inquiries an exercise in self-mockery.
Asking if silver is edible, is to sidestep reason altogether.
All things in their season, all things in their place. Nearly everything under the sun has a purpose, and a function that we all recognize as helpful and necessary. Some things have just one use, while others have many a great many uses.
Silver is one of the most efficacious things you could possibly imagine.
In fact, if the Stephen Hawkings of our time tried to create something more multi-faceted than silver, they couldn’t do it.
Though this invaluable resource is best used as a means to store economic energy, until the opportune moment arrives for you to release that economic energy to others, there are as many ways to use that precious silver, as there are stars in the firmament.
And not a day goes by, where another brand-spanking-new, cutting-edge use isn’t discovered.
So the next time you’re tempted to ask another human being that dreadful question, consider replacing it with a more nuanced expression of interest, like this:
“So, can you readily exchange silver for something you can eat?”
Yes, quite easily, actually!
“Oh. Great, then. Thanks!”
You see how easy that was? That tiny interaction is scientifically proven to make you appear at least eleventy-two times smarter than what you were originally going to ask.
Just try it, it might just work wonders for you.
For some though, who likely attended classes at the “Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good: And Who Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too”…. this question will never die.
I think I’ll just mess with em’ next time:
Dude, of course you can eat it! Did you know that ancient Egyptians used to spit-roast it til the flesh fell off the bone in your hands?
Whoa, for realz?
Yes! But look, you’re alright, so I’ll share a little secret family recipe with ya!
Yeah! Thanks man!
Well, no I probably shouldn’t!
Aw, come on! Don’t hold out on me!
Oh, alright! Personally, I like to sprinkle a generous helping of Ghost Pepper flakes all over it! Mouth watering, not to mention eye-watering….
*writes* Ghooooooost Peppeeeer. Flakes?
Yes, but I don’t know if you should try it. It can make a grown man cry.
Oh, believe me, I’m gonna try this!
Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you….
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